It was a Boy!! Post Miscariagge / Stillbirth....

Today has been nearly a week since d deadly bump....the recovery journey has been goin on well, tho im still coping wit the emotional breakdown once in a while... I miss the baby every now and then.. i miss d hunger waves i had n sleepless nitez he kept me awake... n those little kicks whic i adore d most.... Went to Sunway Med on Sunday cz i cudnt tolerate d engorgemnt of the breast as i was lactating. My breast felt like a stone n it was so painful.... poor body din knw dat baby is gone... This time, Dr.Wong came to visit me... probly he doesnt trust others anymore after d incident...o cz i was already considered as a high risk pregnancy case... he arrived within 10 minutes the A&E staff called him...Infact he was laughing cz he din xpct me to lactate this early cz i was only 17 weeks..

He checkd n prescribed Dostinex to stop lactation n adviced to put cabbage leaves to sooth the engorgement n stop milk... He said that he tried his best... but not to worry cz i was still young... my next appmnt is on d 10th August 2012...i asked him if he saw if it was a baby boy o girl... he said yea, it was a boy... i knew it that i was carrying a boy...i hardly had any syptm n i had d pregnancy glow.. ppl hardly knw dat i was pregnant....n no vomiting... he then asked my husband if he saw d baby... i cant remembr havin my husbnd nearby me during d delivery... i saw hm standing near d door til d Dr called him to explain abt d emergency D&C cz i wasnt cooperating  well with the pain while he removed d remaining bits of d placenta... Hubby said, he din c d baby cz he was more worried n cudnt stand c'ing me screaming in pain... Hubby then asked abt d remaining frozen embryo that we plan to put in anothr 3/4 months time...Dr said that they dun throw away d embryo's but we have to pay d maintenance fee on our next visit... He said, i din xpct fr u to hv so much of milk anyway u will have alot of milk when u deliver next time... i am glad cz i had always been hoping dat i will breastfeed my child... 

Ive been writing letters to little baby.... it helps me calm myslf cz im still hoping that he will come back to me when i conceive d nat time... i knw d GOD up there is taking care of my little baby for ths few mnths... Mayb i will go get some things fr him n keep it... ive nt been crying too much... i just dun afford to cary cz i dun want to be weak... i need to recover so dat i could carry a baby again... Who knows, mayb the next tm little baby brings along a brother o sister with him.... I am ok if tat is what u want sayang... bt jz come back to mama ok... this tm i wont allow anything to happen to u... I love u litle baby... Lotsa hugs n Kisses...