16 weeks and "The End"

I lost my little baby at 16 weeks.. due to my water bag leaked into d vagina and it was irreversible despite all medical intervention... it was due to an impact cz hubbby ran over a bump on d road... not at all hs fault.. he has eye sight prob n usually if i am sitting beside hm i will look out fr d holes n bumps on d road so dat he cud slow down. d bump was a high one cz thy newly mend d road but thy have paint the yellow stripes yet... n when hubby drove over it, i felt d impact... it was like a pressure on my vagina.... i went back home n slept off ignoring d back pain...this happened around 4.30p.m n when i woke up aron 7.30p.m i had a dull pain on my back.. tot it was probably due to d bump jz nw cz i usualy hv ts backache sometime... tuk a hot shower n d pain wen off.... felt hungry n hubby said he gota go to KL so v shall eat on d way back... din have any pain in d car... then when v were driving back, felt like goin to d loo... had slight backpain n lower abdominal cramp aftr peeing... told hubby dat need to go fr a scan jz to make sure evrything was alrite... all d woman's clinic were closed so opted fr a normal GP wit ultrasound facilities.. during d ultarsound... baby was fine... kicking n HB was normal... Dr said he cudnt c any bleeding in d placenta.... n d water was enug... had cramps again when i was walking back from the clinic... when fr dinner.. n had cramps again... i cud hardly sit straight.. while driving back hm.. felt like having diarrhea cramps.. so ran into d toilet as soon s i went back hm... felt d cramps n back pain intensify after my diarhea.. slept straight on d couch n n pain goes off... when i turn to my side it comes back... hubby said just sleep it off... probably due to d bump jz nw .. i will b ok tmw.. tis tm evrytm i had d cramp i had to run to d toilet to pee... n then i hardly can walk back out... i called d sunfert careline n d nurse said if thers no bleeding u can come in tmrw morning.. otrws u can walk in into d A n E nw... I decided to go in d  morning n wen to d room to sleep... aron 12.11a.m... googled abt preterm labor n found out dat my symptoms r similar... probably abt 30 mins later had d same pain cmin back again... ths is when i felt thers sometin seriosly wrong.... so hubby said let go to d hosp... i was already crying in pain during tis 30 min interval cramps...

Rushed to hospital n dr AnE dr scanned again n said baby was fine... n there was no bleeding n its nt a contraction cz otrwise it wudnt subside wit change in position... i had 2 waves of cramps again when i was in d AnE... n yet d Dr din suspect anytin wrong... called my gynea n said probably its due to food n ordered sum pain killers n proluton shots... n adviced to admit so dat he can visit  me d next morn... agreed n admited myself n hubby left back home... aron 3a.m, while in d room... felt hungry n requested fr sum hot drinks so dat i can go to sleep.... after a cup of milo, wen to pee n found out that my panty was soaking wit blood... immediately alerted d nurses n asked em to call my Dr immediately.. had d cramps again durng tis tm.. dr arrived in 15mins time n scanned d baby... he said d water bag leaked into d vagina n dat my cervix is open.. n wat i tot cramps was actually contractions of d womb...he said it was a bad news in he wud try to reverse it if it possible by stopping d contractions bt d chances r very poor n transferred me to d labor room..  

he scanned aron 12p.m n said d water has moved more to d vagina but has not burst yet.. baby was fine.. bt it has less water aron it... he said we wl c fr another 12 hours n c if it goes back... however my contractions started again soon aftr dat despite d medication, another scan revealed dat d membrane was already tensed n d baby's head was engaging in d cervix... he said i had to deliver d baby...

finally my water bag broke n soon later d baby was out... placenta was still intact n dr had to pull it out.. i cudnt tolerate d pain so he wanted to do an emergency D&C to clear d remaining placenta...

everything happend too fast... everytm i closed my eyes i wished i was having a nightmare... but it was all happening fr real.. i saw d baby in a glance... im so sorry baby... mama tried my best to save u... probably god loved u more than me..

probably d pain during d labor was nt as much s d pain of losing d baby... i will never want any1 , not even my enemy to go tru this kind of horror in their life... little baby was gone...i cudnt write more, its overwhelming to except d loss. I hope all those whom have conceived to bcareful while driving at any cost at all.... its nt worth losing a life .... Dr said it cud b 2 reasons... probably due to incompetent cervix n d bump was juz a co-incidence dat started d contraction o secondly it was due to d bump n d cervix open soon after dat.... n d uterus started contractng n pushed d waterbag out to d vagina... nt sure when i will come out of this... but i have to fr d sake of my husband... we mite try again after 3 months... n i wish all d best to all woman out there...

Litlle baby, u will alwiz b my first born...my little guardian angel... ur birthday will be 26th July 2012.. n i will pray every year on this day dat may u lead a happy life up there.... mama love u...appa love u... May u rst in peace ........n i still hope dat u wl come back to me..

With lots of grieve,
Mama.....

15 weeks and little flutters...

Hmmm... felt like d litle baby ws kicking.... hmmm...nt sure la.. bcz tis d first tm i feel it kan... bet anyway.. feels like sumtin popping .....mayb like bowel movement.... hmm... nt sure... but its constant....spcly aftr food.. u noty baby!!! am sure ur so uncomfortable cz mama is alwiz eating.. hahha.. poor baby...

Fear...

Hubby came back home today n told me dat one of hs frens wife miscaried at 20 weeks... n tetiba teringat one of my kazin sis yg miscaried at 18 weeks n 24 weeks .. tis is so scary... one of my blog fren was admitted to undrgo cervical cerclage... oh god ... y do we have to go tru all tis... n some of them can have 15 kids non stop those days n having to wrk really hard to make money.... n on d otr side... we have to spend so much money to have a baby n total bed rest cz of d high risk pregnancy....I really hope my litlle baby is fine n healthy inside....

N my new discovery dat my hubby mite b a thalassemia gene carrier.... hmmmm...... hes suffering frm mild anemia.... thank god u did d bloodtest aby... nw i gota make sure that im nt a carrier as well... otrwise i cud b in d high risk group as well.... i muz tell tis 2 d dr on my next visit...

13 weeks and insomia..

Finally i have entered my second trimester... little i had faith dat i will reach ts far.. thanks to d all mighty god's blessings. I still have headache wic is managable wit 500mg of panadol.... i hardly had headache all ts years... probably 2/3 times a year... n nw it seem like a daily routine.. n my sleep patern is haywire.. thank god im nt working... so i can doze off any time during d day o nite..nothing seem to help me sleep... nt sure wat to blame... d calcium supplements o my hormones... d only thing worked so far was shopping... hmmm.. takkanla wana go shopping everyday kan!! n d best part is dat my husband mimics all my symptom... bt i think he has it at worst cz he feels like vomiting evry morning, headache, hungry all d tm , insomnias  n d growing belly... hahaha.... Cauvade symptom.... so funny.. Mayb sebab i once told him dat some husband's will have phantoms pregnancy wen d wife is pregnant... then he terus have all d symptoms... man r so funny... anyway, id b glad if he is willing to tc of d baby at night after d baby is born wt hs fake pregnancy n i can get my beauty sleep.... hahahhaha!!

Baby was fine during d scan... had d down syndrome test n nuchal scan ts time... during d scan, d sonographer looks fr d space at d back of d neck... it shudnt b more than 3mm.. nt sure mm ke cm....mine was less than 1.25..anyway, baby was bz positioning itself sebab uncomfortable... kept moving d neck dat d sonographer had to wait fr sm tm... n moving its hands n legs as usual... such a joy to luk at these on screen. Dr said baby is developing well n healthy. he also started me on some calcium supp n neurogain (DHA n EPA) fr baby's optimal growth. I asked him several common Q during pregnancy like, can i travel? Can v b together again? Can i resume doin housework?(wic i already started long ago).... he said sure.. go ahead.. hehhehe... Also had informed him about a small patch of rash on my tummy n my headache.. he asked me to take 2 tab of panadol n asked me to do light exercise for my insomnia... n take lotsa rest. n hubby had to interrupt n say dat d only thing im doin at home is resting...bla bla bla....then whose doin all d hse work n cooking fr u baby?? hmmm.... i only gained abt 200grm tis tm... wic is very unlikely bcz im alwiz eating.. d only thing dat constantly keeps me goin is food.. i eat every 2 hours... hmmmm.... hope i dun put too much of baby weight...neway,,,, baby, mama luv u... till then tc ait...c u on 17th week checkup ok....mwah!!!

P/s: Mama started to do a baby journal of u..... nt as elaborate as these blogs... perhaps more personalized fr my little baby.. :p