My 1st check-up aftr d M/C....if i was pregnant.. i would have been 18 weeks now.... well, time changes all... i went alone cz hubby had some work....it feels so difrnt aftr d M/C... i felt diff at every stage of TTC.. Felt diff when i first did my Fertility investigation.... then the procedure.... n then d pregnancy.... n now after the loss... been tru a long journey.... neway... im yet to reach my finishing line..
Did a scan to c if there r any retained placenta tissue.... my lining was very thin... hardly cud c d 3 lines they alwiz talk abt... am still spotting now n then... probably wen i walk o doin hse work... Womb had returned to pre-pregnancy shape...Dr.W said sorry for the loss, he said he cudnt have done much coz he had already tried his best.... I know u did Dr... He's unsure what caused the water bag to leak... probably d bump, o a weak cervix..... so as said b4, he will stitch my cervix at 3mths on my next pregnancy... asked him when shall i come again fr my FET cycle... he said i need to wait for 3 mths atleast... i asked hm, if it was 3 mnths or 3 cycle... he said 3 months is guf enug...3 cycles can go way to long...so its gona be Aug, Sept n Oct...Ill be back to c him on NOV.... hmmm..... 3 months is not as easy s d numbers seem to be.... i gota pre-occupy myslf fr these 3 mths so dat it pass by fast...So what r d things i plan to do during these 3 months...
1. Get my driving license... haha... i know wat ur thinking!! yes, im 27 n i dun hv a DL....
2. Loose sum weight.... Well, im not overweight or wat... probably ill jz go for a walk with my new ZAGORA Flares pants....2 months challenge to loose some mini fat n to fill my evenings with something productive...
3. Hubby's office work.... am glad dat i can work from home... but that comes with housework as well... hmm..so i have got some time allocated to do office work in the afternoons...
4. Plan for some vacation or babymoons!!!
5. Go for facial n spa....for once i have to start thinking abt myself... n ignore others... ive decided to be selfish for once... seriosly, its a hard earned lesson of life n attitude.
6.Lotsa prayers....
7.Get d house cleaned for Diwali...
8.To love my husband more... :).... 9 years of knowing this man... i fought, cried, cursed, laughed, cooked, cleaned n done so much for this man... n yet i will continue to do so in more years to come... ive learned, that relationship grow stronger as years pass by... in my case, it grew stronger with every problems we faced together... I would sacrifice my whole life just to make him happy coz he does d same for me... anything for u n little baby.... I think you should tell your partner how much they mean to you... sometimes we forget to say how much som1 means to us due to work n bz life...take sometime... coz u never know when they r gone n what u have missed .... time is so precious that once gone...it never comes back...
Today i feel slightly better, it feels like ive reincarnated again... So i am waiting for November to come..n bein a woman is d most beautiful thing ever on earth... Love all.... XOXO
Friday 10 August 2012
Tuesday 7 August 2012
Miscarriage recovery.....
Recovery has been goin on well so far.... trust me it feels really gud to write abt it...makes u feel as if some1 is listening to you... anyway.... i still cry sumtimes... i cant help it... feel so empty that little baby is not there... n dat i dun feel pregnant anymore... it makes u crazy...i try to brush it off at times... but it easy said than done.. i dun feel like talking to certain ppl or talking abt certain things.. it feels as if d body doesnt want to talk abt it o rejects listening to it..guess it part of the recovery process...
Im amazed how ppl treat u while ur in pain... they say miscarriage is a common thing and to get over it... lik i said, its easier said than done... if u think that bein in d labor room giving birth to a dead baby is normal... i am not sure what to say abt it..its a trauma.. d pain stays in d heart for lifetime...I did not losse the baby cz i din want to be pregnant.. i lost it due to an accident and i cudnt save my baby... imagine trying to keep d baby in coz its still has a heartbeat and d amniotic fluid is running low... serisly, no1 shud undergo this pain ever in their life... physical recovery could be fast perhaps.... but emotionally, its like a roller coaster... recovery include, denial, blaming other /ourselves for what happened, accepting the loss n getting prepared to try again.... i am probably in between the third n fourth stage... I am glad that i have a supporting husband.....
My aunt n mom stayed with me for a few days n prepared so medicinal food for me to hv a fast recovery... i feel cold at times, so im equipped with socks and slip in's most of d time... I dun have appetite to eat... so weightloss has been prominent. My bowel evacuation has not been smooth since i had d contraction... 2 weeks ago... i gota be on those horrible ducolux pills... i get tummy cramps due to colic at times... i am still spotting to date.. i tot it was supposed to stop in a week... probably its due to my physical activities.. I bleed more when i walk too much..
Din have much ppl coming to visit me.....among em were hubby's frens fly, my close fren loges, n rita and her sis... dats all.. none of my in laws came to visit me... well, i used to visit em....help em to cook or help em with some work when they were sick.. so i was amazed none visited me... so d lesson learned is that, every1 has their own life... we dun need to be an angel to please every1 coz , it doesnt mean anything to them... when it comes to hardtimes, ppl dun wana share it with you... they only want to be there when ur happy... ive learned to keep a distance from those ppl. Even strangers try to help in wther emotionally n spiritually... i am nt asking u to sit n cry with me... atleast a visit... Dats a wake up slap for me... Thanks god, i had to learn it d hard way...
I have to keep myself occupied for the next 3/4 mths till i cud try again... i really hope my body recovers, emotionally n physically..probably, im strong mentally...thanks to my loved ones.. so i plan to go for a holiday.. color my hair or probably perm it.. hmmm..... facial and spa... n probably loose some weight... eat healthy and get my baby making machine in top condition agn.. haha!! Neway, thanks Kak Arena... u made me feel btr... n d best part is dat ... v never met b4... ill probably gv u a hug if i c u next tm... thanks fr ur caring words... Luv ya.. TC...
My next visit wit Dr.Wong is on d 10th August 2012... i have a list of questions to ask.... will update later.. till then, may god bless all.. XOXO
Im amazed how ppl treat u while ur in pain... they say miscarriage is a common thing and to get over it... lik i said, its easier said than done... if u think that bein in d labor room giving birth to a dead baby is normal... i am not sure what to say abt it..its a trauma.. d pain stays in d heart for lifetime...I did not losse the baby cz i din want to be pregnant.. i lost it due to an accident and i cudnt save my baby... imagine trying to keep d baby in coz its still has a heartbeat and d amniotic fluid is running low... serisly, no1 shud undergo this pain ever in their life... physical recovery could be fast perhaps.... but emotionally, its like a roller coaster... recovery include, denial, blaming other /ourselves for what happened, accepting the loss n getting prepared to try again.... i am probably in between the third n fourth stage... I am glad that i have a supporting husband.....
My aunt n mom stayed with me for a few days n prepared so medicinal food for me to hv a fast recovery... i feel cold at times, so im equipped with socks and slip in's most of d time... I dun have appetite to eat... so weightloss has been prominent. My bowel evacuation has not been smooth since i had d contraction... 2 weeks ago... i gota be on those horrible ducolux pills... i get tummy cramps due to colic at times... i am still spotting to date.. i tot it was supposed to stop in a week... probably its due to my physical activities.. I bleed more when i walk too much..
Din have much ppl coming to visit me.....among em were hubby's frens fly, my close fren loges, n rita and her sis... dats all.. none of my in laws came to visit me... well, i used to visit em....help em to cook or help em with some work when they were sick.. so i was amazed none visited me... so d lesson learned is that, every1 has their own life... we dun need to be an angel to please every1 coz , it doesnt mean anything to them... when it comes to hardtimes, ppl dun wana share it with you... they only want to be there when ur happy... ive learned to keep a distance from those ppl. Even strangers try to help in wther emotionally n spiritually... i am nt asking u to sit n cry with me... atleast a visit... Dats a wake up slap for me... Thanks god, i had to learn it d hard way...
I have to keep myself occupied for the next 3/4 mths till i cud try again... i really hope my body recovers, emotionally n physically..probably, im strong mentally...thanks to my loved ones.. so i plan to go for a holiday.. color my hair or probably perm it.. hmmm..... facial and spa... n probably loose some weight... eat healthy and get my baby making machine in top condition agn.. haha!! Neway, thanks Kak Arena... u made me feel btr... n d best part is dat ... v never met b4... ill probably gv u a hug if i c u next tm... thanks fr ur caring words... Luv ya.. TC...
My next visit wit Dr.Wong is on d 10th August 2012... i have a list of questions to ask.... will update later.. till then, may god bless all.. XOXO
Wednesday 1 August 2012
It was a Boy!! Post Miscariagge / Stillbirth....
Today has been nearly a week since d deadly bump....the recovery journey has been goin on well, tho im still coping wit the emotional breakdown once in a while... I miss the baby every now and then.. i miss d hunger waves i had n sleepless nitez he kept me awake... n those little kicks whic i adore d most.... Went to Sunway Med on Sunday cz i cudnt tolerate d engorgemnt of the breast as i was lactating. My breast felt like a stone n it was so painful.... poor body din knw dat baby is gone... This time, Dr.Wong came to visit me... probly he doesnt trust others anymore after d incident...o cz i was already considered as a high risk pregnancy case... he arrived within 10 minutes the A&E staff called him...Infact he was laughing cz he din xpct me to lactate this early cz i was only 17 weeks..
He checkd n prescribed Dostinex to stop lactation n adviced to put cabbage leaves to sooth the engorgement n stop milk... He said that he tried his best... but not to worry cz i was still young... my next appmnt is on d 10th August 2012...i asked him if he saw if it was a baby boy o girl... he said yea, it was a boy... i knew it that i was carrying a boy...i hardly had any syptm n i had d pregnancy glow.. ppl hardly knw dat i was pregnant....n no vomiting... he then asked my husband if he saw d baby... i cant remembr havin my husbnd nearby me during d delivery... i saw hm standing near d door til d Dr called him to explain abt d emergency D&C cz i wasnt cooperating well with the pain while he removed d remaining bits of d placenta... Hubby said, he din c d baby cz he was more worried n cudnt stand c'ing me screaming in pain... Hubby then asked abt d remaining frozen embryo that we plan to put in anothr 3/4 months time...Dr said that they dun throw away d embryo's but we have to pay d maintenance fee on our next visit... He said, i din xpct fr u to hv so much of milk anyway u will have alot of milk when u deliver next time... i am glad cz i had always been hoping dat i will breastfeed my child...
Ive been writing letters to little baby.... it helps me calm myslf cz im still hoping that he will come back to me when i conceive d nat time... i knw d GOD up there is taking care of my little baby for ths few mnths... Mayb i will go get some things fr him n keep it... ive nt been crying too much... i just dun afford to cary cz i dun want to be weak... i need to recover so dat i could carry a baby again... Who knows, mayb the next tm little baby brings along a brother o sister with him.... I am ok if tat is what u want sayang... bt jz come back to mama ok... this tm i wont allow anything to happen to u... I love u litle baby... Lotsa hugs n Kisses...
He checkd n prescribed Dostinex to stop lactation n adviced to put cabbage leaves to sooth the engorgement n stop milk... He said that he tried his best... but not to worry cz i was still young... my next appmnt is on d 10th August 2012...i asked him if he saw if it was a baby boy o girl... he said yea, it was a boy... i knew it that i was carrying a boy...i hardly had any syptm n i had d pregnancy glow.. ppl hardly knw dat i was pregnant....n no vomiting... he then asked my husband if he saw d baby... i cant remembr havin my husbnd nearby me during d delivery... i saw hm standing near d door til d Dr called him to explain abt d emergency D&C cz i wasnt cooperating well with the pain while he removed d remaining bits of d placenta... Hubby said, he din c d baby cz he was more worried n cudnt stand c'ing me screaming in pain... Hubby then asked abt d remaining frozen embryo that we plan to put in anothr 3/4 months time...Dr said that they dun throw away d embryo's but we have to pay d maintenance fee on our next visit... He said, i din xpct fr u to hv so much of milk anyway u will have alot of milk when u deliver next time... i am glad cz i had always been hoping dat i will breastfeed my child...
Ive been writing letters to little baby.... it helps me calm myslf cz im still hoping that he will come back to me when i conceive d nat time... i knw d GOD up there is taking care of my little baby for ths few mnths... Mayb i will go get some things fr him n keep it... ive nt been crying too much... i just dun afford to cary cz i dun want to be weak... i need to recover so dat i could carry a baby again... Who knows, mayb the next tm little baby brings along a brother o sister with him.... I am ok if tat is what u want sayang... bt jz come back to mama ok... this tm i wont allow anything to happen to u... I love u litle baby... Lotsa hugs n Kisses...
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