Well, i think i feel btr now dat i am ready to talk abt it.... I have been suffering from post-miscarriage depression after d loss... I hate to hear ppl say "Its ok", "Nvrmd , ur stil young", "bla bla bla"... Seriously, dats a nasty thng to say... Its not Ok!!.. I hate to talk or listen abt certain things, see certain ppl... and i block myslf from bein reached by everyone... i choose d ppl i want to talk to o share with..I can stay witout eating o drinking fr days wo even feeling hungry...i can stare at black space wo realising wat im actually seeing or thinkng..i cannot make simple decisions....i just cant....
And i get agitated when ppl talk abt certain thngs...ther r some super dumb ones yang asked me abt my weight loss... its like, i loss my baby and u ask me abt my weightloss... i can clearly see ur intention to ask.. its not out of care dat thy asked such question... its like...even after i answerd dat im back to my pre-pregnancy weight...thy went on asking what was my pre-pregnancy weight... Like WTF!! If you dont know what to talk... dont make yourself stupid..N d best part, as i was bz layaning my emotions n posting on facebook..... ppl terasa its fr em.. Leave me alone... Ur not on my shoes n im not bothering any1's life... its my facebook.. it feels gud to talk to a wall atleast n ppl had to choose to find fault on that... one after one problem.. my periods went crazy as well... I had high cortisol level due to my stress n depression n caused my period to comebck aftr stopin fr 4-5 days....n finally one of d gynea asked me to see to seek medical help... I have learned that when ppl loss something very precious to them... DO NOT TELL THEM ITS OK......and just tell them u have no words to console them but if they want to talk... ur all ears to them...Do not listen with the intention to reply... let them cry as much s they want!!.Cry till d tears r dry...hold teir hands n make them feel loved and cared... N most importantly.. Do not say stupid things...Dont knw wht to say, dun say anything at all.. let em do all d talking if ur willing to listen.. if u dont, leave them alone...sadly i was left dealing wt all ths alone coz i din wan to disturb any1 wt my problm.. alwz been lik dat..n i went into furthr isolation..D oli person i was comfortble bein wt is my husbnd...nt even my mum...
I went into denial, n d momen ppl say o do stupid things.. i block them out.. I dun wana talk o see deir face.. It feels awful..my husband use to be so bz with work..i hardly can talk or share my feelings with him cz he is also efftd wt wat happend.... n whenevr i cry, he asks me to stop crying cz he cannot see me cryin.It felt so tuff fr havin dealin wt all ts thing in my head...im alone at home n all i can think is hw i cud have preventd d accdnt frm hapening o hw many weeks i were if i was stil preg nw.. My god!!.. This is madness.....n finally whn d Dr diagnosed me wt d depression n referd me back to my gynea so dat he can futhr decide...my husband realised what i have been goin tru all tis whle.. n thank god he had fnshd all hs work dat he is finaly free fr me... Went for a crazy holiday ..Drove all d way to Hat Yai n thn to Krabi.... Its extreme..n d speed boat ride wit big waves made me fight all my fears and emotions...i had no choice to back off o run away bt to deal wt it right thr n thn...one journey made all d diffrnce n nw i feel more calm n i dun cry whn i talk abt it anymor... i have aceptd d loss n gained my senses...bt i hate bein left alone....i wana b accompanied by my husbnd all d time nw..Hmmm...thers alwiz a beautfl rainbow after a storm... Ive learn to deal wt my emotions nw..
So d lesson learned...take time to layan ur emotion....n let ppl talk n cry.. its ok to cry.... its not ok to say its ok... hahahha.. Crazy huh!!.. D best part abt ths whle period is dat , ive learned dat im a very weak person deep inside....n this incident made me strong..My mind knws dat d worst thing dat could happen to some1 is death... n it wil come eventually....deal wt it. It takes time for evrythng...healing emotionally as wel... n Love is everytng u ned to survive ths life....n money of cz. I have to thank god fr ths experience..Ive learned what worked and what failed.. I have realised who i hv by my side n who jz wish to watch frm far... I dont hate them, i oli choose to stay away frm them..sometime all sum1 ned is a big big hug...n a tissue box. :)
Love,
Vatsala
