I lost my little baby at 16 weeks.. due to my water bag leaked into d vagina and it was irreversible despite all medical intervention... it was due to an impact cz hubbby ran over a bump on d road... not at all hs fault.. he has eye sight prob n usually if i am sitting beside hm i will look out fr d holes n bumps on d road so dat he cud slow down. d bump was a high one cz thy newly mend d road but thy have paint the yellow stripes yet... n when hubby drove over it, i felt d impact... it was like a pressure on my vagina.... i went back home n slept off ignoring d back pain...this happened around 4.30p.m n when i woke up aron 7.30p.m i had a dull pain on my back.. tot it was probably due to d bump jz nw cz i usualy hv ts backache sometime... tuk a hot shower n d pain wen off.... felt hungry n hubby said he gota go to KL so v shall eat on d way back... din have any pain in d car... then when v were driving back, felt like goin to d loo... had slight backpain n lower abdominal cramp aftr peeing... told hubby dat need to go fr a scan jz to make sure evrything was alrite... all d woman's clinic were closed so opted fr a normal GP wit ultrasound facilities.. during d ultarsound... baby was fine... kicking n HB was normal... Dr said he cudnt c any bleeding in d placenta.... n d water was enug... had cramps again when i was walking back from the clinic... when fr dinner.. n had cramps again... i cud hardly sit straight.. while driving back hm.. felt like having diarrhea cramps.. so ran into d toilet as soon s i went back hm... felt d cramps n back pain intensify after my diarhea.. slept straight on d couch n n pain goes off... when i turn to my side it comes back... hubby said just sleep it off... probably due to d bump jz nw .. i will b ok tmw.. tis tm evrytm i had d cramp i had to run to d toilet to pee... n then i hardly can walk back out... i called d sunfert careline n d nurse said if thers no bleeding u can come in tmrw morning.. otrws u can walk in into d A n E nw... I decided to go in d morning n wen to d room to sleep... aron 12.11a.m... googled abt preterm labor n found out dat my symptoms r similar... probably abt 30 mins later had d same pain cmin back again... ths is when i felt thers sometin seriosly wrong.... so hubby said let go to d hosp... i was already crying in pain during tis 30 min interval cramps...
Rushed to hospital n dr AnE dr scanned again n said baby was fine... n there was no bleeding n its nt a contraction cz otrwise it wudnt subside wit change in position... i had 2 waves of cramps again when i was in d AnE... n yet d Dr din suspect anytin wrong... called my gynea n said probably its due to food n ordered sum pain killers n proluton shots... n adviced to admit so dat he can visit me d next morn... agreed n admited myself n hubby left back home... aron 3a.m, while in d room... felt hungry n requested fr sum hot drinks so dat i can go to sleep.... after a cup of milo, wen to pee n found out that my panty was soaking wit blood... immediately alerted d nurses n asked em to call my Dr immediately.. had d cramps again durng tis tm.. dr arrived in 15mins time n scanned d baby... he said d water bag leaked into d vagina n dat my cervix is open.. n wat i tot cramps was actually contractions of d womb...he said it was a bad news in he wud try to reverse it if it possible by stopping d contractions bt d chances r very poor n transferred me to d labor room..
he scanned aron 12p.m n said d water has moved more to d vagina but has not burst yet.. baby was fine.. bt it has less water aron it... he said we wl c fr another 12 hours n c if it goes back... however my contractions started again soon aftr dat despite d medication, another scan revealed dat d membrane was already tensed n d baby's head was engaging in d cervix... he said i had to deliver d baby...
finally my water bag broke n soon later d baby was out... placenta was still intact n dr had to pull it out.. i cudnt tolerate d pain so he wanted to do an emergency D&C to clear d remaining placenta...
everything happend too fast... everytm i closed my eyes i wished i was having a nightmare... but it was all happening fr real.. i saw d baby in a glance... im so sorry baby... mama tried my best to save u... probably god loved u more than me..
probably d pain during d labor was nt as much s d pain of losing d baby... i will never want any1 , not even my enemy to go tru this kind of horror in their life... little baby was gone...i cudnt write more, its overwhelming to except d loss. I hope all those whom have conceived to bcareful while driving at any cost at all.... its nt worth losing a life .... Dr said it cud b 2 reasons... probably due to incompetent cervix n d bump was juz a co-incidence dat started d contraction o secondly it was due to d bump n d cervix open soon after dat.... n d uterus started contractng n pushed d waterbag out to d vagina... nt sure when i will come out of this... but i have to fr d sake of my husband... we mite try again after 3 months... n i wish all d best to all woman out there...
Litlle baby, u will alwiz b my first born...my little guardian angel... ur birthday will be 26th July 2012.. n i will pray every year on this day dat may u lead a happy life up there.... mama love u...appa love u... May u rst in peace ........n i still hope dat u wl come back to me..
With lots of grieve,
Mama.....
Sis,
ReplyDeleteOmigod sis, I don't know what to say. Tadi tried to leave comments, but my ipad ni giler sikit. Tergerak hati nak bukak ur blog, just to see your development kan. When I saw the title, I dah berdebar-debar sangat. And when I read further, I cried and cried sis. I am so, so, so sad to read this. Tak sangka termasuk lubang pon can cause the lost. I guess I myself have to be more careful after this. I dahla memang ada incompetent cervix kan. I dont know how to console and comfort you sis, because nothing anybody says can lessen the hurt and lost. I hope you stay strong and take good care of yourself. May wonderful news awaits you in the future sis. *BIG HUG from me sis.
ya sis, actually bukan lubang... its d speed bump dat ws newly mend. n thr was no yellow lines painted on it. n d best part was i wen to 2 dr n tey din tell me i was havin contraction n d water bag was leaking. How stupid!! i cud have saved my baby if thy wud have tol me cz wen i pergi check it was onli havin 1 hour contarction apart... v both knw dat d loss is ireplacble kan.. It was a baby boy... yang paling i cant take it is dat i delivered d baby n nw i started producing milk. im oli 16 weeks n 4 days... kesian my body din knw dat d baby was gone... sedih is sedih la.. but life hv to go on kan... i still hope dat he will come back la sis.... no mtr wat he is my firstborn. u tc sis... n d lesson learned is dat nvr c a normal GP if u suspect anytin wrong, its alwiz btr to knw dat thers notin wrong than losing our baby... sebab d normal dr's nowadays r very stupid. n its ok fr us to nag our husband while tey r driving so dat it doesnt cost a life like mine...
DeleteYou mean langgar macam hump kat jalan tu je, bukan masuk lubang dalam2 pon ye. OMG tak sangka macam tu impaknya. Tulah you went to different doctors sebelum tu takde yang detect that you are having contraction already and the water bag is leaking. Mana tau if detected earlier can save the baby kan. Tapi yang paling sdih dan tak tahan is like you said, you start lactating tapi the baby is not here kan. Sedih sangat..sangat..sangat. Terus I jadik super paranoid now. Adus, dahla now I macam on the verge nak kena infection with lots of discharge due to the cerclage procedure hari tu. Memang risau gilerr. You hang in there ok. Take care sis.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how you wrote this... because I have tears just reading it. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI remember writing this with a river flowing down as tears...feelin lost as a woman n a mourning mother... i dun knw hw to express.. but it made me strong coz i wrote what i felt.. now when i read it.. it feels like im reading another persons story, i feel sorry too... but im stronger now thn what i was wen i wrote it.
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